Zell the Lonewolf
by skizo akito
Summary: It's been 4 years since the defeat of Ultimecia. Everyone's happily enjoying their life with their ‘special someone’...well everyone but Zell. What happens when Zell begins to hate everything in his life and finds it all boring? Zelphie
1. Chapter One

Zell

Gawd I hate Balamb Garden. After we defeated Ultimecia, everything just got boring and really annoying. Not to mention how everyone totally ignores me now that they all got their 'one and only precious person' in their life. I knew it would turn out this way though. Rinoa and Squall, Seifer and Quistis...surprisingly, and lastly Selphie and Irvine. Damnit I hate them all with a passion! They would always go out and have fun in double or triple couple dates but what about me? Oh no, I get to stay in this frickin' Garden and do absolutely nothing. Pshht...whatever I don't care anymore. Why should I? I'm better off alone anyways. After all that's how my whole life was.

I would always be loud and annoying because that's just how I got attention. But really, I never had any true friends to begin with. I'd pretend that others were my friend even if they treated me like shit, Squall for example. I guess I was afraid of being alone at the time. But right now I could care less. Man life is boring...I wonder what would happen if I ended it? Nah, that would be stupid and boring_er._

_(Grumble, grumble)_...I guess I'll think about that stuff later...I wonder if they have any hotdogs left?

I walk in the cafeteria only to see that everyone is sitting at their 'groupie' table. I turn around to walk out before they get to see me that is, until Selphie yells out...

"ZELL!!!"

'Shit...what now?' I close my eyes and put on my fake plastic smile that makes me seem all enthusiastic to see them. I turn with my painfully flashy smile.

"Hey guys what's up?" I say as I put on my act of happiness.

"Ah nothing much really, just planning what to do next to celebrate our 4th anniversary of defeating Ultimecia." Said Irvine as he gave one of his annoyingly toothy grins.

"Oh really? What are you guys planning to do?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.

"Oh we were probably gonna go out and ya know, just have fun and party." Said Rinoa as she leaned on Squall. Squall wrapped is arms around her and playfully kissed her a few times on her face. I bit my tongue with disgust and tried not to throw up.

"Great, well have fun you guys." I said as I tried to get away from the group.

"Aren't you going to come too? I mean it was basically you who did the most damage to Ultimecia." Said Seifer. I was surprised to get praise from Mr. Ego.

"Nah I wouldn't want to ruin your 'couples' date." I said a bit too harshly than I intended. I quickly turn around and walk away, leaving confused faces behind me.

I walk out and put my head sets on and blast Linkin Park in my ears. Sighing I start walking to my dorm. I pass by a few people who smile and wave at me but I just ignore them. I close my eyes and put my hands in my pockets. When I open my eyes I find myself in front of my dorm. I walk in, close the door, kick my shoes off, and sit on my bed leaning back on the wall. I lean my head back looking at the poster of guitar chords.

Thinking back, I sort of realize why it turned out like this. It's because I was annoying and loud. I probably would've hated someone if they acted just like me. After I thought about it, I didn't even know why I was annoying in the first place, so I stopped. What's the point of trying to be too friendly when no one returns it? I lean my chin on my knee and stare at my unruly room.

I look up around and chuckle at the mess. I also have some dents from being so angry with myself. Let's see...1...2...3...4...5...About ten dents in the walls. Maybe I should start hitting my punching bag instead of something else that's not meant for hitting. I must've been so mad to recklessly hit my walls that much. Either that or I was hurting so much that I didn't know what to do with the pain. Just thinking about the pain I was feeling was bringing it all back to me...

I don't get it...why does it hurt so much? Why does my heart hurt so much? Why can't I just brush it off? Why is it bothering my so much?! Why is it happening to me?!

Frustrated I slam my fist into the wall beside me. Leaving an inch indent of my fist along with a few cracks, falling pieces of the wall, blood, a screaming person on the other side of the wall, and my anger.

Selphie

Zell's been acting different lately. He doesn't talk much anymore and he seems to be ignoring us. Every time I see him, it's either with his headphones on and not paying attention to where he's going. Or he's just by himself doing some heavy duty training.

Today when he walked in the Cafeteria, he quickly turned around at the sight of us but then I called his name. He seemed happy...almost _too_ happy. And that last remark he made...sounded too harsh and truthful to just be saying it jokingly.

ARGH!!! Why can't I stop thinking about Zell? Maybe I'm just too worried about him. I guess I could go and spend some time with him. Try to clear things up a bit I guess.

"I'll be back later ok? See ya!" I say as I jump off my chair, but before I could take another step Irvine pulls me onto his lap.

"And where do you think you're going?" He whispered playfully in my ear. I giggled and replied.

"Oh I'm just going to pay Zell a visit that's all. I'll right back, Irvine."

"You better be." I stuck my tongue out at him and waved. He gave me one of his cute smiles that I love. I walk out and look all around me.

"Now where could Zelly have gone? Maybe I'll go check his dorm first." I say to myself as I happily skip to the dorms. People give me weird glances but I just brush it off and give them a big smile.

As I walk down the hallway to his dorm, I hear an extremely loud bang. As if something heavy fell. Curious I walk closer to where I had thought the sound had come from. Shortly after I hear someone screaming insults to the person in the room next to them. As I got closer, I realized that the screaming was coming from the room right next to Zell's.

Weird, shouldn't they be concerned instead of yelling? What if he had hurt himself or something? I knock on Zell's door...no answer. I turn the knob to find it unlocked. So I let myself in, I haven't been Zell's room before, well not since last year when I need to just stick my head in to wake him up. But that was it, I never took the chance to look around.

It was pretty decent and cleaner than most dorms. But as I stepped in his dorm, his walls had several marks of things that have been hit against. His room still had clothes lying all over the place but not too bad. I saw some new posters hanging up on the wall. Next to his bed I see two guitar cases, one for an acoustic, and another for the electric. The acoustic wasn't in it's case thought, it was out in front of it. Cool, I didn't know Zell could play the guitar.

Then I finally looked at Zell, who was sitting on his bed, licking his...bloody hand?!

"OMG Zell! What happened?!" I ask as I ran to his side. He just gave me a small side glance, his tongue still licking the blood off his fist. His eyes...were so much different. They were no longer sparkling with happiness and excitement. They somehow were sad, cold, and distant. It's as if this wasn't even the Zell I knew before. He's really changed.

"Nothing," He tells me, "I just slipped on some clothes and hit my fist really hard on the wall." He indicated to the inch deep indent in the wall next to him. His voice was so plain and emotionless, it's as if he didn't care that he hurt himself. Whatever happened to the happy toned friend I knew four years ago? I could tell that he was lying, no one could hit their fist into the wall that hard just by accident.

"Nothing my ass! Come on we gotta get that cleaned up!" I pull him off his bed and drag him to his bathroom. I got his hand under the sink and washed all the blood off.

"I'm fine, really, it's nothing. It's doesn't even hurt all that much." Said Zell as he pulled his hand from mine. He dried it off and went to his cabinet and pulled open the door and took out some bandage strips. He wrapped it around his hand a few times then bit off the rest that he didn't need and put it back.

"See? All better now." He said unenthusiastically. He showed me his hand and gave me a smile. But that smile caused me to frown. His smile was so fake; it was as if he was forced to accept something he really hated.

"Zell what's wrong? You've been acting a lot different lately. Is something bothering you?" I ask. He seemed a bit disturbed by my question. There was a long silence before he answered.

Zell

"Zell what's wrong? You've been acting a lot different lately. Is something bothering you?" Selphie asks.

I turn away from her. Thousands of thoughts rush through my head.

Yea, something's bothering me. It's all of you guys! You guys disgust me! Sometimes I would actually throw up just thinking about you all. I hate how you guys totally forget about me. I hate how I'm always alone. I hate how you all are having fun while I'm just there. Gawd for crying out loud I'm the one who fucking saved all of you're asses when we had to fight Ultimecia...Damnit man I sound so selfish right now.

Ok calm down Zell, calm down, Just because everyone but you found happiness doesn't give you the right to bring their life down. Even if it was because of you that they're even alive.

I looked over at Selphie, and she's looking like she's all concerned about me. Heh, that's just fucking bullshit. She doesn't care about me, she's to busy with Irvine.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Irvine?" I asked coldly. I slip on my shoes and walk out. But I hear Selphie closing the door behind her and she follows me.

"That has nothing to do with what's bothering you, Zell...doesn't it?" She asks me. "Come on, you can tell me."

"Whatever." Is all I reply.

"Gawd, now you're starting to sound just like Squall! And that's bad! Come on Zell, you weren't this anti-social before! In fact you weren't even close to being anti-social." She said happily. She's being way too cheerful for my own good.

"You should be happy. Come on, we defeated Ultimecia and All the Gardens have calmed down. You know," she says, "Everything's been so great lately. I love getting to be able to be with Irvine. And it's always makes me happier to see how Rinoa and Squall came together, same with Seifer and Quistis too though..."

_Gawd, somebody make her stop! ... _I roll my eyes but she doesn't see because I'm in front of her.

"Everyone, well almost everyone, seems to be happy in Balamb Garden. And I'm always looking forward to tomorrow! Don't you feel that way too?!" she asks. I give her a plain dull look.

"Not really..." she frowns at the look I give her.

"You're really starting to get depressing you know that? Why can't you just work to solve you're problems so you can be happy? It's not that hard if you put in the effort." She's trying to reason with me...pointless. I give her another uninterested look with no emotion in sight. Why does she make it sound so easy to 'solve' my problems? She doesn't even know what they are...

"I just want everyone to be happy! So If there's anything that I can do to help, just say so!" she says. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Anything?"

"Of course!"

"Then kill me..."


	2. Chapter Two

Selphie

"_K-Kill you_?!" I ask in disbelief. What madness caused him to want to die?!

"I hate my life. Everything just sucks now." How can he say that with just a straight plain face?! Oh, wait I get it...he's just joking...heh...heh...right?

I look at his face and it doesn't change, not a single muscle moves. He's not joking?! What the...

"What do you mean everything sucks?! Why do you hate your life so much?! I don't get it! You're giving me a headache!!" I yell out loud. I grab my head and try to calm it down.

"You won't do it?" he asks me plainly.

"Of course I won't do it?! Why do you think I would?!"

"You said 'anything'..."

"Count me out! You'll just have to kill your self then!" I yell at him as I turn. But then he pulls out a pocket knife and offers it to me.

"No suicide it not cool." He sticks his hand further out closer to me. "Come on, do it." He says plainly. I grabbed the knife away from him, careful not to hurt either one of us.

"Gimme that! What do you think you're doing?!" I'm so shocked and angry with him at the moment. I don't get it. He was like the happiest person on earth that I ever knew! Why did he suddenly have to change?!

"You've never thought about it?" He looks at me plainly. I feel like just blowing up in his face right now. Thank Hyne that no one was in the hallway at this time.

"NEVER!" I yell at him. What scares me the most, is that he doesn't seemed moved at my anger towards him right now. He's just leaning against the wall and looking at me with that dull face expression of his.

"Thought so. Fine I'll just go and find someone else to do it. You think Seifer would? He still hates me right? Maybe if I provoke him enough..." He began to walk away. There was no way I was letting him go and get himself killed. I ran after him and shoved him against the wall.

"Are you serious?! What's the matter with you?!"

"Me? I told you already...what's you're deal anyway? You think you know every thing huh? Don't try to make me like you."

"No, I wasn't..." I let go of him and backed away. What's he talking about? I just wanted him to be happy...

"If you're happy with that stupid cowboy great, but stop interfering with my life! You don't know anything about me!" he yelled at me. That ticked me off. I grabbed out the knife that I snatched from him and stabbed it a cm away from his neck.

"You're right, ever since four years ago, I've been too busy that I haven't been able to spend time with you. That's why I'm trying to get to know you better...But you just sit there...and say how you want to die..." my eyes start to water up and I feel some sliding down my face. I look up at Zell. He actually seemed surprised to see me crying.

I can't take it anymore...just looking at his face makes me angry yet sad...so I do the only thing I can think of.

"Go to hell Zell! You jerk, idiot, moron!" I ran to my room crying. I ran off knocking Squall over and leaving Rinoa to help him. I didn't even see who was behind them but I'm pretty sure it was the rest of the group. I can't handle this...

Zell

"What's she crying for?" I asked my self. My gaze follows Selphie as she nearly knocks Squall over. She didn't even look back to see who it was.

"Weirdo..." Great, everyone's looking at me now. I pull the knife from the wall and put it in my pocket. The next thing I know Irvine's up in my face.

"What did you do?!" he yelled at me. Gawd, can Selphie actually stand this guy? He spits everywhere when he talks.

"Nothing, just talked." I said truthfully. What's his problem? Why won't he just go and ask Selphie himself.

"Like hell nothing happened! Tell me why she ran off crying then huh?!" he grabbed my collar and pushed me against the wall.

"Beats me why don't you go ask her yourself you're her boyfriend after all. Why don't you go and comfort her instead of trying to pick a useless fight with me?" ok this is getting old. And I'm getting tired of him trying to get me to go deaf.

"You bastard!" he swung at me but I ducked and landed a blow in his stomach. He fell over clutching it tightly. He looked up at me angrily. Man I was getting bored. Irvine isn't even worth the time anyway. I turn and walk away but what happens? Cowboy here won't give up.

"Come back here you coward!" he yells at me. Coward? I think not. He tried to punch me again. I think he forgot who the martial artist here was. I easily dodge it and did a spinning back kick at him. He flew ten feet back and slid another 5 feet as he landed. I hear Rinoa scream and run to Irvine's side. Quistis also goes to his aid. Hmph, just the same jackass cowboy girl magnet he always was. I'm getting sick and tired right now. I turn and walk away as nothing happen. But oh no, that is not the end of it.

"Zell!" now its Squall's turn to go pissy mode on me.

"What?" I reply coldly.

"You know what..."

"No I don't know, enlighten me." I reply with mock sarcasm. He seemed to be shock with my tone and behavior. He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm going to have to suspend you from Garden for awhile." He said. Why the fuck did I have to get suspended?! What about Irvine?! He's the fucking asshole who attacked me first! I was just defending myself. Hmph fine if they want me out, then I'll leave. I don't need to put up with this bullshit.

"Whatever you say..._Headmaster_." Ever since Cid was gone on a break, he left Squall in charged. I gave him a royal mocking bow before I turned and left to anywhere but here.

"I also want you to apologize to Irvine before you go." He said. Ok now this was getting ridiculous.

"For defending my self against HIS attacks? Fuck that. It's not my fault he tried to attack me. And doing a piss poor job at it too."

"You WILL apologize to him before you go." Oh puberty boy is getting angry.

"No. You'll have to kill me if you want anything from me." I shot them all a death glare before I walked off.

I walked towards the entrance of the building before they could say anything else to me. This was so troublesome. I really hate Balamb Garden now. It's like I'm the one who's causing all the problems here. All I've done was just talk to somebody and made her cry. What guy doesn't make a girl cry? I mean it's not like I was insulting her anyways. Maybe it's best if I leave Balamb Garden for good. Being a SeeD is getting kinda boring anyways. I guess I'll just have to wait until the REAL headmaster comes back. Squall won't let me go without an 'apology' for something Irvine did.

"Hey wait...he suspended me right? Then I could just leave then." I go back to the dorms to get some of the things I might need. I'll leave all the other things that I won't need for a long, long time. When I open my door I find Selphie sitting on my bed, looking at a photo.

"Selphie?" she looks up at me with her red eyes. Has she really been crying the whole time?

"Remember when we were celebrating 4 years ago year? And you ate all those hotdogs and near died choking on them?" she chuckled a little bit. That was one memory I didn't want to remember but I guess it was pretty funny.

"Yea what about it?"

"You were smiling a real smile back then...but now your smiles are really empty." She noticed? Zell, Zell, Zell, what happened to that barrier wall you built around yourself? Did you let it crumble because of this girl?

I walked up in front of her and looked down at the picture she held in her hand. It was a picture of all of us one year ago. Squall had rolled his eyes at Rinoa swung her arm around his neck. Quistis was smiling with her arms crossed over her chest and Selphie had Irvine's cowboy hat on with his arms around her waist. I was smiling my toothy grin that I always had on.

"Why are in my room?" I asked. I thought she would be in her room or with Irvine at least. He was probably in the Infirmary or something.

"Heard you beat up Irvine...and that he's in the Infirmary right now." She didn't even seemed worried. Wait, that had nothing to do with my question...whatever.

"Yea, he was spitting all over the place and wouldn't get outta my face. It was his fault trying to hit me first." I said. I didn't even have the slightest guilt in my voice. I hated Irvine. "Aren't you worried about him?"

"No, he has his fan girls all over him right now. I couldn't even get to him." So he was so crowded with girls that Selphie couldn't even go see him? Is that why she's in my room?

"Bastard, after being with you for almost a year, he still can't get off with his girly magnet habits? Typical of him. Guess he can't really change then..." What the hell is up with Irvine?! First he acts like he's concerned for Selphie yet he'd rather have the company of girls who he doesn't even!? And he doesn't even care...that's what pisses my off the most.

"Yea...I can't really tell if he's just being with me because he can...or if he really does have feelings for me. It's like every time I'm with him, I only have a fourth of his attention. Maybe even less...I dunno, maybe I'm being selfish..." She's starting to cry again. I sit down next to her and wrap my arm around her shoulders.

Wait what the hell am I doing?! Comforting her? But I can't control my body...it's acting but it's self. Why am I being so nice to her? Is it because she's Selphie or what?

"No, you're not being selfish. Irvine should give you all his attention since he was the one who asked you out, right? It's not your responsibility to get his attention. It should be the other way around." She looked up at me with her adorable green orbs.

Oh god...I'm getting all mushy. What surprised me next was that she wrapped her arms around me and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Thanks Zell...you know, you really are confusing. First you tell me to kill you then you beat up Irvine and here you are now, comforting me..." she had a small smile on her face.

"I guess I'm just messed up." I smirked. I looked down at her to see that she fell asleep. When was the last time she slept? Oh well, guess I'll just let her rest in my room since she's already here.

I slowly lay Selphie down and put the blanket over her. I stood up to get my things together only to feel a hand wrapped around my wrist.

"Heeey, you were really warm...I don't want you to go." She said. What does she mean by that?

"But I've been suspended, for...defending myself against your boyfriend-"

"Don't call him that...he doesn't really seem like a boyfriend to me."

"Oh?"

"Well...besides from not having much of his attention. He's practically everything a girl could ask for. He's charming, funny, has a weird personality, cute, he understands what I feel...sometimes...and he smells really nice..." I rolled my eyes as hers turned dreamy, "He's everything I look for in a guy...but...he means nothing more than a friend to me. He doesn't make my heart pound..."

I saw her bring her hand up to her chest. Poor girl, she's confused.

So I do the only thing I can think of at the moment...sing to her.


End file.
